10 People Who Hate Wicked Chops Poker (Part I)

Wickedchopspoker_1

Hate. It’s such a strong word.

Whoever invented the word “hate” did a great job. He/she achieved his/her goal.

Think about it. If the word were called, say, “gish,” then being “gished” wouldn’t sound so bad. “I f’ing gish you!!!” would almost seem like a good thing. “Wow, this person kind of digs us,” is what we’d think if someone screamed “I f’ing gish you!!!” to us. For real.

Now to the point. Over the past year, Wicked Chops Poker has stepped on some toes. When you don’t particularly like about 90% of the people in the world, these kinds of things happen (but readers, we love you, all of you, for real [fist double-pumping chest-area]).

And we are positive that, in some cases, the feeling of disdain is mutual. While we don’t have any “concrete” evidence that the below list of people genuinely hate us, we are at least willing to make the assumption, for the purposes of this article, that they do. Unfortunately, the people we KNOW hate us we cannot mention, for fear of being threatened with yet another lawsuit (unfortunately, yet again, for real).

Deadbeat_dad_dayne_baverman 10. Dayne Baverman:  To recap, Baverman has racked up more than $50,000 in tournament winnings since 2003 including a cash in the 2004 WSOP main event.  However, none of this money is going to pay for the child support for six of his eight kids.  When we found Baverman, he hadn’t paid a dime of child support for over a year and owed $31,221 for six of his eight children. He finally got the bad beat he deserved though when he was arrested in the middle of a hand at the Gold Strike Casino in Tunica, Miss. and now faces up to three years in jail for failing to pay child support.  While Baverman may have hated us for calling attention to his deliquency, his ex-wife didn’t.  As she put it, "Thank you for being so blunt concerning this deadbeat dad."

9. Al Qaeda – We hate terrorists as much as they hate America, Zionists, and actually, pretty much anyone who are not Islamic Fundamentalist terrorists. And since we are not Islamic Fundamentalists, and we continually take a pro-American stance in the hot new game sweeping the Middle East called Persian Poker, we’re fairly certain that they hate us, as we are unabashed infidels.

David_williams_2 8. David Williams – We sure hope that David Williams doesn’t hate us. We certainly don’t hate him. Not even close. He’s still one of our favorite up-and-comers in the poker scene. Sure, we had some fun at his expense with the Bodog photo shoot, but we hope he didn’t take it the wrong way. Fortunately, there has been absolutely nothing that’s happened since then that we could possibly poke some light-hearted fun at, so maybe we’re still in his good graces. Cause he’s done an amazing job lately of keeping his name out of anything sordid, scandalous, or anything that looks like a middle-aged pornstar’s asshole. Oops! 

7. Nickelback: There are some things that are so obvious that they go without saying. Or they are needless to say. But we say them anyway. So here goes: Chad Kroeger is the worst lyricist since ever. Truly, he’s the worst. Even worse than Jewel, which after the "Foolish Game" debacle, no one ever thought ANYONE could supplant her (although after "Fly Away," Lenny Kravitz came close). When we pointed the basic uninspired fertilizer coming out of Kroeger’s mouth (and Nickelback’s instruments), it sent Nickelback’s fan message boards ablaze. Unfortunately, the thread containing most of our knocking of Nickelback has since been removed (including some absolutely hysterical antagonistic posts from Weathered Living’s Aye-Aye), but the hate we feel coming from this America Jr.’s band is still palpable. If Kroeger had to write a lyric about it, it would probably go something like this: "You made me feel bad/Your mean words made me sad/And I will be glad/When one day you will feel bad/That would be rad."

Gisele5_16. Demi Moore and Gisele Bundchen: Don’t get us wrong, like David Williams, we love Demi Moore and Gisele Bundchen. What’s not to love? Demi gave us gems like St. Elmo’s Fire, Ghost, Indecent Proposal, and Striptease. Gisele gives us hot giraffe-limbed photoshoots. They’re both hot. But they hate poker. And to us, that is an inexcusable sin, right up there with "Thou shall not bear false witness against your neighbor." Our wives not only allow, but they encourage our poker playing. They would never, EVER put the kibosh on something we love to do. What does that say about Demi and Gisele? Honorable mention on this goes to Cameron Diaz, who turned down a $1.5 endorsement offer from BetCRIS to be their spokesperson.

5. Marianas College students: These kids are dorks. Seriously. Really not cool.Students at Northern Marianas College petitioned for passage of a poker bill, which, ‚Äúseeks to impose higher poker fees, prohibit poker establishments from the villages, and increase the distance of poker rooms from schools and churches.‚Äù College kids are proposing this stuff!? My God what has happened to today’s youth? Don’t they watch the Real World any more? We actually heard from 1/10 of the Northern Marianas College student population (1 student) on this one, who sort of defended his institution on our comments board. And even his comment was boring.

The conclusion of our Top 10 People Who Hate Wicked Chops Poker will conclude on Friday…

 

One Response

Leave a Reply

(*) Required, Your email will not be published