A Word to Our Lady Readers About Valentine’s Day

Ladies,

Owcpgof20071The Entities that comprise Wicked Chops Enterprises LLC are experts when it comes to that crazy little thing called “love”, which we understand is a French word that translates roughly to “when a man bangs a woman senselessly until her eyes roll back in her head in exchange for having her do his laundry, clean his house and cook his dinner.”

And based on our countless experiences with “love” over the years, we’ve learned that there are six and only six reasons the man in your life will do something special for you on the so-called official day of love, Valentine’s Day.

(1) He’s cheating on you;
(2) He’s thinking about cheating on you and feels guilty about it;
(3) He doesn’t really love you so much and thus needs a good reason to go out of his way to do something special for you one day a year;
(4) He hasn’t gotten laid by you (or his mistress) in awhile and he’s hoping tonight’s the night;
(5) He wrongly thinks the Latin phrase “quid pro quo” translates to “a dozen roses for a blow job”; and/or
(6) He’s a sappy little fuck.

So if your man gets all sweet on you this evening with a Hallmark card in one hand and a dozen roses in the other, while he drops Barry White song titles on you like “Your Sweetness is My Weakness” and “Sho’ You Right,” he has some serious explaining to do. Meanwhile, we Entities, all of who are in relationships conventionally known as marriages, will not be spending the night “valentining” our current/first wives (unless “valentining” is a synonym for the French word “love”) but instead will be playing poker.

And they’re ok with it. Why? Because, they’re cool like dat, and more importantly, because when we first met them we told them about the six reasons a man does something special for a woman on Valentine’s Day. And so if we showed up with flowers and chocolates tonight, or any night for that matter, their immediate response would be, “So who is she you son of a bitch?”

Photo of the OWCPG of 2007, because nothing says Valentine’s Day quite like a hot chick in pink.

 

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