Allen “Chainsaw” Kessler Wins HPT Player of the Year

Winning HPT POY means Chainsaw can now get any nerdy hot girl with glasses that he wants. It's true. In the bible and everything.

Winning HPT POY means Chainsaw can now get any nerdy hot girl with glasses that he wants. It’s true. In the bible and everything.

He did it.

Chainsaw fucking did it.

Allen “Chainsaw” Kessler has captured HPT Player of the Year honors.

Chainsaw makes it two years in a row that a “name pro” has won HPT Player of the Year. Greg Raymer won the honors in 2012 after capturing 47 straight tournaments in row, blindfolded, and with Lupus.* Unlike Raymer, Chainsaw didn’t capture any tournaments, but he steadily grinded cashes and final tables throughout the year with nary a complaint about structure, which should almost earn him an entirely separate award all together.

Suffice to say, if Chainsaw complains about HPT’s blind structure, he’d probably complain about daily blowjobs. The aforementioned 2013 HPT structure was designed by Daniel Negreanu, who won the WSOP Player of the Year. Couple that with Jeffrey Pollack not being able to find a gig in poker, and there’s probably something to be said about good/bad karma and HPT.

Mel Weiner came up just short for POY, going limp in fifth place. Stan Jablonski finished 15th, obviously.

See full POY results here.

* Or 4, with fossil sunglasses, and socks-and-Birkenstock-affliction. 

 

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