of legendary gunslinger/poker player Doc Holliday, has apparently been in England too long and come down with a bad case of ‚Äúfoot-in-mouth‚Äù (akin to hoof-n-mouth, but way more serious). When asked recently how British audiences compared to Americans, Kilmer declared:
“They’re smarter. They read books.‚Äù
Ouch, Lunger. Just because I don‚Äôt always finish the books I buy doesn‚Äôt mean I don‚Äôt read them. It‚Äôs just that sometimes I get distracted by old episodes of Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County on MTV.
Anyway, I could somewhat forgive Kilmer because I understand what he‚Äôs trying to do. You see, Kilmer, who we‚Äôre actually not fans of ever since his lame portrayal of so gay-not-gay superhero Batman, is across the pond rehearsing for the West End production of “The Postman Always Rings Twice,‚Äù and apparently thinks he has to cozy up to British audiences in advance. Standard PR move.
But Kilmer wasn‚Äôt intent on just stroking the egos of those from the land of poor dental hygiene and inbred royals. Yes, he had to go one step further and insult, in one fell swoop, two of my favorite cities, New York and Las Vegas.
When asked about theatre in the U.S. Kilmer shamelessly states:
‚ÄúIt does seem that the standard simply keeps deteriorating on Broadway. The shows have become more Vegas-like. Theatre here just has higher standards.”
Cheers mate, I hear you on the higher standards because right now in London one of the most popular musicals is ‚ÄúJerry Springer the Opera,” which the rag The Observer lauded “the most explosive theatrical event for years.‚Äù
A musical about Jerry Springer? Highbrow stuff. Highbrow indeed.
And Batman, since we‚Äôre talking standards, can you explain where on the great thespian continuum would you put your recent sell-out jaunt: playing poker in the window of London department store Selfridges? Which, by the way, wasn’t against some poker pro but instead against Mick Jaggers‚Äô daughter Jade? (sidebar question: how many daughters do you think Mick really has, both proven by paternity tests and not?)
So Vegas-like of you Val. So Vegas.
But don‚Äôt get me wrong. I like that Val was playing poker. I mean, the poker world needs another actor playing poker … yeh, about as bad as England needs more rain, or another cheesy pop act, or better yet, another American actor pissing on his homeland to sell tickets there.
Thankfully, this story does have a happy ending though. You see, the karma police took action and made Kilmer pay for his two-face antics. When riding home from his department store window gig on his bike, Kilmer crashed and wound up with some badly bruised knuckles.
Ouch, Val. I hope it doesn‚Äôt hurt the next time you check on the felt.