Bob Costas and Poker: No Love Connection

:: snake

BobcostasHey Snorre, meet Bob Costas, the sportscaster’s sportscaster, the play-by-play pontificator de puny, and now just one more who has bantered his way on to the bandwagon of bashing poker.

In case you missed it, Costas, while not quite matching your masterful rhetoric that likened poker to sucking the deformed robotic genitalia of some dorky Star Wars character, did unleash a mouthful of mayhem on poker that ranks up there among the best.

The bashing occured on his HBO show “Up to the Second on the Natalee Holloway Case.” Oh wait, that’s not his show…he wouldn’t do that. That’s right it’s called “Costas Now” . Here’s a portion of what Costas said:

. . . turn on any one of about a dozen channels any hour day or night to experience the spine-tingling anticipation of seeing whether some guy in a Members Only jacket can draw the nine of diamonds he needs to complete a straight flush. Now at the risk of alienating degenerates from coast to coast, I must say I find it hard to get worked up over a “sport” that boasts all the pageantry and magic of Saturday night in my Uncle Murray’s basement.

Yet somehow it’s come to this: Millions addicted to the sedentary thrill of sharing a peak at someone’s hole card. And then there’s the hype: There’s actually a show called the “Superstars of Poker.” But no Brett Mavericks or Cincinnati Kids here. In their stead, a different kind of superstar: pasty, portly, sketchy, the kind of “athletes” who break a sweat just cutting the deck.

Look, poker is not a sport. It’s “Supermarket Sweep” with clay chips. So put it on the Game Show Network – and let Chuck Woolery host it.

Damn Bobby. Did someone piss in your Mickey Mantle Wheaties box? I can understand people not getting the poker craze, and I know it’s the thing these days to debate whether poker is a sport, even though it’s all senseless dribble. I mean, who cares how you label the game. Poker is poker, sport or not, and I don’t think anyone playing really cares if it’s seen as a sport or game or the art of sitting on your ass for a really long time in order to take other people’s money. Why is it covered in sports sections of papers and on sports networks? That’s the demo. Plain and simple. Poker happens to be played a great deal by people who watch sports on ESPN, people who bet on sports, people who love competition, love the intricacies of strategy and outwitting others. If you don’t get it, well, it’s kind of like if you have to ask how much something costs, you probably can’t afford it. If you have to ask what the fuss is all about, well, it’s not meant for you. Quit the bitching, change the channel, turn the page, and stay out of Uncle Murray’s basement.

MembersonlyBy the way, don’t you know Members Only jackets are quite a hit with the kids these days?

Re: Chuck Woolery. I hope that wasn’t a slag against the supreme conveyor of cool, the love link lothario, and perhaps one of the greatest human beings of the last 100 years. Didn’t he win some sort of Nobel Peace Prize or something for Love Connection? Had to have.

Anyway, as Woolery once said, “Being a lady is an attitude.”

Well, that’s not really relevant here, but I think Costas is on to something here with Woolery. I mean howabout Chuck host the next NBC Heads Up Championship and have the competitors join him on the couch for a candid discussion of their match up and then afterwards the viewing audience votes on whether the two play against each other again or move on to someone else.

Or what about a poker dating show? Lord knows there’s a lot of “pasty, portly, sketchy” poker players spending a little too much time limping in at the poker table with dudes and who are in major need of a little game of heads up with a lady.

Chuck, I’ll have my people call your people.


One Response

  1. iPod

    August 29, 2005 2:53 pm, Reply

    Costas is such a jacktard it’s ridiculous. I’ve hated that dude for years, he ranks up along side with such sports “journalists” as Bill Walton, Jime Rome, Steven A. Smith, Skip Bayless, etc.(All total douche-rockets) Great point made in the post, I don’t think poker is a sport either, but who gives a shit? I still like to play and watch it on the tube. Poker is an activity that many people find enjoyable and it has an exponential potential for growth. So assholes like Costas will blast it for fear that it may (and probably will) become a major force that could rival and one day surpass the popularity of the mainstream athletics in this country.

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