Chris Shilts: Stupid Poker Criminal Hall of Fame Inductee

:: snake

Shilts_1Congratulations Christopher Shilts (pictured here in what appears to be some type of Medieval Nights dinner theatre costume), you’ve officially been inducted into the Stupid Poker Criminals Hall of Shame.

For the unacquainted, Shilts is the 29-year-old owner of Salt Lake City poker supply store, Cards, Chips and More, which this past May suffered two fires in just one week. Officials immediately suspected arson, and some even suggested that an arsonist with a grudge against poker could be out on the loose.

So scary.

Well, after the second fire, Shilts chatted with reporters outside his store (which coincidentally was having a “Set My Own Store on Fire” Sale at the time), and he claimed someone twice called his cell phone and said, “I will destroy everything you own. I will find you and I will kill you.”

Oh man, this just got scarier.

About a week after the second fire, Shilts then reported that he was robbed by two men who put a pistol to his forehead.

Wow. People were really out to get him.

Amazingly though it was all a lie. Yes, I know, I know. I didn’t see it coming either, but apparently officials discovered that one of the alleged calls to his cell phone came from a phone belonging to one Christopher Shilts of Salt Lake City (news reports here and here).

But wait, you say. Couldn’t one of the bad guys have gotten a hold of his phone and called him from it? Yes, that’s it. What? Oh he has apparently confessed and said that he “intentionally set both . . . fires in his store; that he set the fires to get out from under his financial obligations; and that he made misrepresentations about the fires to the insurance company’s representatives.”

But what if the bad guys are forcing him to say that? What if the police are in on this? Where was FEMA? I mean no one would be so stupid to make the call from his own phone.

Alright enough of that charade. Shilts is as stupid as they come. And for me, the most stupid thing he’s done is name his store “Cards, Chips and More.” I mean this ranks up there with “Just Brakes,” “The Battery Store.” Why can’t people think of something a little more creative than just naming your store after what you sell? Would Apple be the company it is if it was called “Computers, Monitors, Music Players and More.” Would you ever open up a grocery store and call it “Milk, Cereal, Meats, Detergents and Other Things You Need to Eat, Clean and Do things at Home or In the Yard or Elsewhere.” No. You’d call it Kroger.

Stoopid
Ok, that was a stupid example, which brings me to my next point: I love stupidity. I mean what would the world be like if we didn’t have Shilts and our other Stupid Poker Criminal Hall of Shame inductees, including:

  • the two guys who robbed an ex-neighbor’s poker game with guns a blazing and walked away with $50 worth of quarters (click);
  • the guy who was at the above poker game and fled and got shot instead of handing over his quarters (click);
  • Kevin Joy and Deem Cassim, the guys who tried to rob world champ Greg Raymer but fled instead and finally got busted while selling toy helicopters at a San Diego fairground (click); and
  • the deadbeat dad who finally got the bad beat he deserved after evading child support for years when the authorities found detailed listings of all his poker winnings online (click).

Thankfully, unlike oil, teachers and lipstick lesbians on the LPGA tour, we’ll never face a shortage of stupid poker criminals.

 

28 Responses

  1. Aye Aye

    October 6, 2005 1:53 pm, Reply

    That was really funny. I acutally like your new name for Kroger. That would be awesome if people actually had to go through the trouble of saying that….

  2. snake

    October 6, 2005 3:26 pm, Reply

    always appreciate it blackspy…though if you were going to comment on something i thought it would be an analysis of that bulge hanging from Lucy Pinder’s bikini bottoms.

  3. Cindy

    October 8, 2005 12:38 am, Reply

    I am Chris’s mother and I don’t appreciate what you said. He has not been convicted of anything yet. And you only know what the media is saying. You have no idea what else was going on at the time that this took place. You need to watch what you say about this until, you know more of the truth. Just a warning. Not a happy MOM, And I am not saying what he did was right, But still you don’t have all your facts together. So back off.

  4. snake

    October 8, 2005 12:53 pm, Reply

    Ok. Cindy, I appreciate you reaching out like you did and I understand a mother’s concern here, as well as disappointment. I know this must be a difficult time for him and your family. I’m sure being cast in our satirical post as stupid is, while not flattering for him, the least of Chris’s concerns at this time. I will clarify that at no time did Chris ever have a “I Set My Own Store on Fire” sale, as far as I know. That was indeed satire (obvious I hope). I will also clarify that it isn’t clear whether Chris was making up the story about being robbed at gunpoint. If it wasn’t true, however, please let us know. The apparent lie, as we stated, was that he claimed someone else set his store on fire twice in one week…and that the truth was, at least according to his reported confession, that he did it and that he risked the lives and property of others in doing so, frauded the insurance companies (a cost spread to other insurees), wasted police resources who had to investigate his allegations and finally, served to perpetuate a perception that gamblers/poker players are shady, unscrupulous characters who will do anything when faced with financial troubles. As far as “having all our facts together” we’re just passing on media reports and providing commentary. We’ll keep posted of how this proceeds in the courts and we must say that we’re at least appreciative that Chris has stepped up and apparently has come clean and admitted his fault. Hopefully that is a step in the right direction for him, that this is a rock bottom that will cause him to rectify past misdeeds and move forward.

  5. Cindy

    October 8, 2005 1:12 pm, Reply

    Snake, yes he knows he did wrong and must pay for his crime. But I didn’t like they way you said the things you did. And it was wrong all I ask is that you keep out of it for now until all the facts are known. I am going to see him on Tuesday.

  6. Snake

    October 8, 2005 1:25 pm, Reply

    Wish you the best. We live in a forgiving society. Look at Martha Stewart, Frank Abagnale, Robert Downey Jr, Kobe Bryant, Hugh Grant, and Pee Wee Herman…all faced jail, all came out ahead, one way or the other (althought Martha’s Apprentice sucks).
    Much luck.

  7. John T.

    October 11, 2005 12:21 pm, Reply

    All and especially ‘Chris’s Mom’
    Chris has done a little more than just Arson. He has sold two cars and a boat illegally through E-Bay (all the documents and files to prove). He has never sent the original titles because he had unpaid liens on them. He left three victims out of their money and their posession. So ‘Mom’ please contact me if you want to make things right for your beloved son. In the meantime I hope (and expect) he will do some serious jailtime to make him suffer for the pain he has brought to innocent victims. The fact that he sold these vehicles out of state makes it a federal crime, which should make things worse for him.
    At least we will make sure his name and mugshot are being distributed throughout the web so that people recognize this scam artist when they see or hear from him in the future.
    By the way he also uses the name Chris Schultz to mislead people.
    If you want to verify the above contact the Sandy UT police station. That is where he was arrested.

  8. Cindy

    October 11, 2005 11:00 pm, Reply

    Once again John, I am sorry that you are a victim of Chris’s wrong doings. And yes he has used the name schultz

  9. Cindy

    October 25, 2005 12:57 pm, Reply

    He is my son, and I love him. Nothing will change that. I am not happy for what he has done. And he is ready to Pay the consequences that are to come for his wrong doings.

  10. Anonymous

    October 26, 2005 4:19 am, Reply

    I have it on good authority that Chris was once xxxxxx and xxx xxxxxx while in Boise if that makes any one smile. I know it made my day.

  11. Anonymous

    October 26, 2005 9:03 pm, Reply

    I am sure glad you think you know so much about my son. Just so you know there is hight authority watching these postings. So I think that things should stop before some one says something that they shouldn’t say.

  12. snake

    October 27, 2005 7:39 am, Reply

    yes there is a higher authority watching all of us. amen.
    Ms. Shilts, i understand Chris had his initial appearance before the US district court last friday. any word on how it went or how it’s going?

  13. Anonymous

    October 27, 2005 10:10 am, Reply

    Snake, nothing happened there. Just to let you know. He is in court today or tomorrow. To hear the charges and get his next court dates.

  14. Anonymous

    October 27, 2005 10:27 am, Reply

    spade that comment was very unnecessary. Just so you know this isn’t helping my stress level at this time…sure some of it is in fun but some it makes me very upset

  15. Anonymous

    November 10, 2005 5:00 pm, Reply

    Being one of his victims, it is difficult for me to sympathize, but I do have empathy for you and Chris, and I wish you both the best

  16. Anonymous

    November 10, 2005 7:24 pm, Reply

    I can understand that. But I do have syphathy for you. I am very sorry you were a victim of his wrong doings. I wish there was something I could do. But being on disability. My hands are tied. I will say this much at least he confessed to do it all and is going to pay the consequences of what he has done.

  17. cousin

    May 3, 2006 12:59 am, Reply

    whats up ppl i dont know him a whole lot but what i do know is not very good. sorry for all the bullshit that has happen. and by the way whoever the fuck was talking shit about his mom you need to shut the fuck up you bitch. anyways sorry about the trouble were all not like that.

  18. Anonymous

    May 20, 2006 12:57 pm, Reply

    Cousin I want to thank you for that. I know you all aren’t like that. I do appreciate it. This is not been easy for me.

  19. anonymous

    April 18, 2011 10:42 am, Reply

    And guess what?! He is back in the slammer for bank robbery…guess he didnt learn the first time.

  20. DR

    April 28, 2011 4:34 am, Reply

    The man’s a complete sociopath & pathological liar.
    Claimed he was a nurse & delivered babies on LifeFlight (Idaho Board of Nursing never heard of him)
    Claimed to be an heir to the Albertson’s Grocery Store fortune & was about to inherit since his grandmother died. Who knows? Maybe he is an heir, but living in Boise it didn’t take much to find out Katherine Albertson was still alive at the time.
    I could go on but I’m laughing too hard!

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