Clearly We Went to College In the Wrong Decade

If the founders of Wicked Chops Poker could better remember their college years, we would be pissed.

What we do know is this: the college landscape has shifted like oceanic tectonic plates in the southern Pacific Ocean over the past decade.  And because of this, we are fairly certain that we were robbed.

Trishelle3Back in the early ’90’s, when Chops and Snake attended UGA and Notre Dame, respectively, America was at the pinnacle (that means "height") of the grunge era.  Girls covered their bodies with baggy clothes, wore more plaid than a Scottish marching band and showered only when necessary.  President Clinton then ushered in an era of do-gooderness, Lilith Fair made women want to unite and feel all empowered and shit, and young women had no true role models from reality TV to set their moral compasses by. Seriously, where was Trishelle (seen here striking her trademark pose/position) when we really needed her most to show young women that it was OK to have casual, carefree, consensual sex…frequently.

It was even worse when Addict was in college. The second world war (eventually given the TRL-esque moniker, WWII) had just come to an end.  Women wore thick pantyhoses, beehive wigs, and one-piece bathing suits.  Indeed, it was a time when everyone may have liked Ike and loved Lucy, but nobody liked the idea of loveless pre-marital intercourse.* 

Even worse, the so-called "Internet" was just laying the concrete that formed its informational super-highways when Chops and Snake were in college.  Chops at least got to experience using personal computers.  Poor Snake was stuck in the purgatory between those loud, obnoxious machines they called "typewriters" and so-called personal computers that were the size of W.O.P.R. 

And Addict, well, just pen and paper by candlelight. 

Oh, how things have changed.  Now, ungrateful, snotty college kids get laptops included with their tuition.  Laptops that are being banned by professors because too many students are playing online poker in the classroom.

Old_school_150Yep, not only do college kids these days get to chase belly-baring co-eds in low-rise jeans who think the idea of getting naked on Girls Gone Wild is, "Like, basically awesome, so…" but they get to play poker online DURING CLASS.  Assholes.

So here’s hoping that Pearl Jam’s new album, just like their epic Ten did in 1991, ushers in a new era of baggy-clothed, prudish, do-gooder, stinky chicks at colleges across the country.  As we’ve stated before, we love spite.  And to the younger generation, we spite you.

* The Addict isn’t actually THAT old. He started college in that ever so pleasant era of AIDS, mock turtlenecks, acid wash jeans and big, poofy, mall hair. And impressively (well, not academically so), he somehow managed to graduate after Snake and around the same time as Chops.


3 Responses

  1. BlackSpy

    May 4, 2006 2:54 pm, Reply

    Let the record also reflect that only strippers wore thongs back then. Now even 10 yr olds wear them….(not that I know personally).

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