Crispin Leyser Is Charles Bronson Tough

Keeleyhazellboxinggloves_smallWe’ve mentioned before that we don’t like 90% of the people in the world, so it’s no surprise that 90% don’t like us either. Lately it’s been friends of both Jamie Gold and Crispin Leyser, who are turning out to be on the same level as Nickelback and Anna Benson fans (i.e. Anna Benson) in terms of their hatred of us, with the key difference being that no one sucks more than Nickelback fans. Except Al Qaeda, maybe. We hate those guys.

Anway, because we’ve made unfair slights against Crispin Leyser and his manliness lately, we thought it would be journalistically responsible (a phrase that means about as much to us as the word “sesquipedalian” does, which we have no idea what that means) to point out that Leyser is actually a tough guy. Like Charles Bronson in Hard Times tough, if Charles Bronson in Hard Times slapped wrists instead of beating the shit out of people.

Charlesbronson_hardtimesDon’t believe us that Leyser is that tough? Go to a WPT Boot Camp sometime and try raising in early position with a weak ace. The word on the street is that Leyser will unleash a slap of fury on your wrist so fast you won’t know what slapped you. On your wrist. And if you’re really bad, he may just slap you across the face. And if you’re REALLY bad, he may…uh oh, we better stop, cause this is kind of turning us on.

By the way, if our photoshop expert was in right now we would have put Leyser’s face on Charles Bronson’s body on the poster to the left to drive the point home that Leyser really is Bronson tough. But you’ll have to settle for second best, photos here and after the jump of Keeley Hazell in her recent Zoo spread doing Christina Aguilera’s boxing in her panties and chaps tough girl thing. There are also photos of Keeley doing the Britney Spears Catholic school girl number and a video from her Kylie Minogue bit, which aren’t so tough looking as they are Keeley doing the Britney Catholic school girl number and Kylie bit.

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11 Responses

  1. Grappler

    November 13, 2006 5:00 am, Reply

    I understand that wicked chops has some sort of arrangement with Bull dog. This explains why instead of reaming Jamie Gold for being the dick head he is they beat up on this guy.

  2. Chops

    November 13, 2006 8:09 am, Reply

    Also, Grappler, if you read our site, we’ve reamed Jamie Gold more than his fare share. Some people apparently have some really short (or selective) memories. Scan thru the “Poker News” section and see for yourself…we’ve been equally critical of both parties on how this has shaken down and its detrimental impact on the game of poker.

  3. snake

    November 13, 2006 8:41 am, Reply

    i suppose calling Gold a hollywood blowhard not worthy of our siding wasn’t harsh enough for these Leyser lovers.

  4. Grappler

    November 16, 2006 11:38 pm, Reply

    Im no Leyser lover, actually I know nothing about him. I am completely indifferent to him. My point is that besides his mother and for some reason Johnny Chan EVERYBODY HATES JAMIE GOLD.
    When ESPN ran the 2006 final table during a card game at my place the reaction when Gold appeared on the set was like the scene in Animal house when Flounders picture came up and all the guys threw popcorn and beer at the screen.
    Your assesment of some of the other players was dead on and pretty funny. You seemed soft on Gold considering how completly obnoxiuos he is. Calling him a blow hard isnt nearly the same as what you did with Leyser. Leyser is probably a weasle but you could have had a field day with Gold.

  5. Grappler

    November 16, 2006 11:59 pm, Reply

    I have just read back to the prior articles and the first one listed is titled..”Jamie Gold has a compelling argument”.
    The next one promotes his hottest Mom show.
    The prior one is how he is “flattening the competion with his big stack play and fortunate flops.”
    The next is is about Lee being critical of Gold. In it you take up for Gold and call Lee a “poor loser.”
    They are all cotton candy.
    I love your blog. And if you say that Golds connections with Bulldog havent influenced you then ok. It just looks that way to me.

  6. snake

    November 17, 2006 9:11 am, Reply

    yeh i think people are taking the compelling argument post the wrong way, which i can understand. The whole point of it is that until that position was asserted we thought Gold had no case whatsoever. Before this motion it seemed like there was a bargained for deal between the two and we reported it as such because that’s what we were hearing on the ground at the WSOP. As a former litigator myself I was impressed with the characterization and argument Gold’s new attorney put forth saying that the promise was a gift and Leyser was harassing Gold during the WSOP and merely thought it was compelling and could mean that Leyser is wrong. As we put forth in the “Price Tag on Jamie Gold’s Word” piece, which you found the only kind thing we said about Gold in it, we think both parties’ actions as they relate to this lawsuit suck for poker. Poker deals don’t belong in writing and they don’t belong in court and I hate to see what the precedent will be out of all of this moving forward. They need to settle this shit and be done with it. As far as Gold’s play at the WSOP, one of us watched his play from early on and was impressed with his ability to talk people into doing what he wanted them to and that’s why we make it a point to mention this. As far as Leyser goes, a lot of our good friends in the poker world know him personally and consider him a great guy….and perhaps he is…we however just can’t find ourselves liking the guy…mainly because he talks with a British accent and is so handsome. But seriously we think his filing of the lawsuit sucks for poker and was unnecessary, at least as the parties were apparently negotiating… and Gold showed no signs that he was withdrawing the money from the RIO and that’s something no one really mentions ..that if he really was going to screw Leyser over he could have taken the money immediately after the win rather than try to figure out what the best arrangement for paying him would be.
    as far as Gold’s Hottest Mom Show…we’ve been nothing but unkind about it and if that is seen as promoting it, what can we do. We reported on it early and will continue to slag it as we get news about it. Our marketing experts say it’s good for our SEO.
    finally, our opinion on all of this is influenced by nothing other than what we think at the moment we write a story…really, it’s nothing more and most of our posts are written on the shitter and there’s not much time for thinking then. It’s like how we called Dannennmann a weasel only to regret it and retract it and consider him a friend now…and perhaps the same may happen with Gold and Leyser ….who knows? But the point is…this site is just an expression of what we’re thinking about the poker news we come across at any given time and a little entertainment thrown in for good measure. the fact that people are seeing it as more than that has surprised us. and to them we say, go read another site.

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