Fast and Furious Journalism Heating Up Poker Tournament Coverage

Let’s get this out of the way now, so nothing in this post is lost in translation:

The majority of poker tournament reporting is fucking terrible.

There. We said it.

Borgata_1We here at Wicked Chops Poker love beating dead horses. If you can’t kick someone while they’re down, then what’s the fun of bringing them down in the first place, right?

It’s been well documented here and at other fine writing establishments that Card Player set poker journalism back to the steam engine era and journalism in general back to the days of Johanes Gutenburg with its 2006 WSOP coverage.

So it would be unjust of us not to point out when another group does an equally entertaining job of poker reporting. And the WPT Borgata Open has provided us with ample ammo.

From the looks of it, the PR team working on these Borgata updates don’t really "know so much" about poker as they really "don’t know so much" about poker. It looks like they got this Borgata Poker Open account, realized they knew nothing about poker, then checked out Card Player to figure out how to write updates, and not knowing how bad the Card Player updates are, followed the template of Card Player’s legendary bad updates. We can’t blame them, because really, they didn’t stand a chance.

For example…

Let’s start with a line ripped out from one of the very first Card Player LYWTMs:

The action was fast and furious yesterday during the second day of the 2006 Borgata Poker Open.

They continue by "borrowing" Card Player’s text-book time-stamping technique while overstating the importance of an event:

"The day began at 11 a.m. with more than 500 players arriving to compete in the $750 buy-in event. Wednesday also featured Day 2 of the $500 buy-in No Limit event. The field that started with more than 1,000 players was down to 27 players, and those weary poker warriors arrived eager to capture the first place prize and their piece of poker immortality."

Because, you know, there’s no better way for poker warriors to achieve poker immortality then in a $750 buy-in prelim event.

The lack of poker knowledge continues:

"Spectators and players alike were surprised to learn the Day 1 event was dominated by amateurs."

Why? Because top notch pros aren’t chomping at the bit to rush into a $750 buy-in event?

For the next day’s coverage, since the author already used the "fast and furious" analogy, there was really only one fiercely used cliche to turn to:

The competition was fierce at Thursday’s final table of the Borgata Poker Open’s $750 No-Limit even at Borgata Hotel Casino and Spa.

Because if the action isn’t fast and furious, then it’s always fierce. And if it’s not that, then as they say in their next press release, "The action is only going to heat up…"

We give up.

But unfortunately there’s more, as they go on to display their almost uncanny Card Player-esque ability to capture the heat of the moment by heating up another heated update:

The action is heating up and the intensity is reaching a new high as countless pros arrive at Borgata to compete in the upcoming high stakes events at the 2006 Borgata Poker Open.

However, even with the author’s super-natural ability to make us feel like we were right there at the Borgata watching runners achieve poker immortality, we didn’t REALLY feel like we were part of immortality in the making until we read this:

The excitement at the Borgata Poker Open was palpable…

We would continue, but we slowly feel ourselves becoming less intelligent derrrrrrrrrrrrr…

 

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