Seriously, Caesar’s card room might as well be a Roman bath house.
And while we’re totally making up everything in the above two paragraphs except "maybe" the first link, we are not making up this: ComeOutPoker.com has officially launched as the "First Ever Online Poker Room for GLBT – Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered Community."
Unfortunately, there is nothing humorous we can really say about this. There is just no material for us to work with…sorry. Just a dry well over here.
However, if you’re not too busy taking "mancations" with your "friends," and are maybe a bit "curious" and longing for more details, then continue reading this post about ComeOutPoker.com–a site dedicated exclusively to gay people and trannies–which again, as previously stated, provides us with nothing funny to say, as ComeOutPoker, which again is a site just for gay people and trannies, might interest you, because it may cater exclusively to people like you (i.e. gays and trannies).
No Straights Allowed
According to ComeOutPoker.com, which is a site exclusively for gay people and trannies, "While some of the big-name poker sites may claim gay members, ComeOutPoker.com makes sure they stay true to their claim of being the first site that exclusively caters to the GLBT community." While we are not exactly sure what sites they are specifically referring to, we are fairly certain said sites are not catering to its gay members for a reason:
BECAUSE THEY ARE GAY.
Now for the record, we have no issues with homosexuality at all. We love gay people in a seriously non-gay kind of way. Gay people are part of the fabric of this country. Without gay people, we’d have far fewer hair stylists, interior decorators, boy banders, cities called San Francisco, and lisps.
But ComeOutPoker–a site exclusively for gay people and trannies–claims there is a stiffly growing contingent of guys named "Bruce," Lance," "Geoffrey" and "Todd" in the poker world, approximating that there are "close to 3.6 million gay poker players in the U.S. alone."
But based on our purely unscientific study which consisted of asking people in our weekly home game, gay people make up a very small niche in the poker community. Like, really fucking small. Maybe more in the "handful" range than the "3.6 million" range.
And after thoroughly and exhaustively combing through every page of the ComeOutPoker website (and then clearing out our Internet history), the site doesn’t seem so much about playing poker as it is about chatting it up with other gay people and trannies while you may or may not be playing poker. For example, the site features:
The Pink Triangle – ComeOutPoker players that LOVE to chat!
It’s easy to meet other ComeOutPoker players. Just look for the Pink Triangle by their screen names. That means they love to chat. Players without the Pink Triangle are shy, but you never know WHEN they’ll ComeOut! It’s always up to you, chat or no chat! ComeOutPoker.com ALWAYS guards your privacy.
Like any great reality TV show, the site also offers some FABULOUS twists. For example, it has launched the first ever gay poker game, ComeOut Hold‚Äôem. According to ComeOutPoker, "The game is played along the same guidelines as Texas Hold‚Äôem, but all straights are eliminated from the ranking of the hands. ComeOut Hold‚Äôem is available in all sit and go, tournament, and heads-up games."
Having spent more time discussing ComeOutPoker than we ever intended to, the entities that comprise Wicked Chops Enterprises LLC are going to bang their wives senseless now because we are straight heterosexual men who liking banging women. And if you did click through to ComeOutPoker and are kind of mad at us right now for the scarring images, linked here are some new pics of Friday Night Parting Shot fave Keely Hazell that we hope will at least somewhat wash the images of gay men and trannies out of your head.