GamingPublic.com, an organization that claims to be an iGaming investment analysis firm and "the center for information on iGaming, industry stats, legal information and investment in publicly listed companies within the sector," but in reality looks like the iGaming investment analysis equivalent of some dickless executive who likes to throw employees under the bus for his own personal gain, has issued some sort of report claiming some sort of new game invented by some sort of "detective" is the tonic to cure what ails online poker in the U.S.
In this press release, GamingPublic.com says:
While companies such as Party Gaming Plc (LSE:PRTY), 888 plc (LSE:888) and Sportingbet Plc (LSE:SBT) are seeing their share prices languish…private companies Pokerstars.com and Fulltiltpoker.com have seen massive increases in their numbers.
These two private companies may be in breach of the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act of 2006, although there have been arguments bantered about that poker is a game of skill. Nothing could be further from being correct.
Um, way to help pull the poker community together in this time of general outrage against
To make matters worse, after summarily throwing Poker Stars, Full Tilt, and every online poker enthusiast in the U.S. under the bus, GamingPublic.com begins the next sentence of their press release with the word "Whilst." Apparently, UK-based GamingPublic.com wrote this press release about 140 years ago, when Victorian prose artists like Lord Alfred Tennyson were the Chuck Palahnuik’s of their time, cause that was about the last era anyone used the word "whilst."
This Duplicate Poker game apparently uses some complex methodologies or something, according to this "Detective" Peterson, that "does not change how poker is played, only how it is judged." And instead of playing as an individual, you play in teams. And instead of winning by accumulating the most chips, you win by being judged. In other words, it’s just like real poker!
Read the full release here. And if this "Detective" Peterson ever gets the funding he seeks to launch Duplicate Poker, be sure to never log on to any site that carries it. Whilst you may be curious about how to play a team version of poker where you win by being judged, suppress your curiosity, cause if we’ve learned anything from Jack Twist, it’s that curiosity can only lead to your demise. And the last thing you wanna do is end up like Jack Twist, son.