I Will Bet 500 Chips and I Will Raise 500 More…

Bb Alternate Headline: "Bagpipes and Barrels."

Wicked Chops Poker has stumbled upon the Holy Grail.  We have cracked the code.  Yes, Wicked Chops Poker now knows what it takes to win at poker. 

Disregard this so-called ‚Äúaggression‚Äù thing.  Flush ‚Äúplaying your position‚Äù down the toilet.  Burn ‚Äúcalculating pot odds‚Äù in effigy.  If you want to be a successful poker player, all you need to do is this:  listen to The Proclaimers in your iPod.

In what must be the slowest news day ever in the U.K., the Daily Record details how Scottish rounder Graham Clarkson scooped ¬£14,000 by making the final table in the Pokerstars.com European Poker Tournament.  His secret weapon?  A steady diet of ‚Äò90‚Äôs one-hit wonder band, The Proclaimers

ProcsIn case you forgot, they’re the Scottish band of brothers with that catchy “500 Miles” jingle that ran during the opening credits of Benny and Joon

And quite possibly the ugliest duo in the history of rock.  So ugly, in fact, their label wouldn‚Äôt even put their faces on albums (as seen at left).

That frickin‚Äô ‚Äú500 Miles‚Äù song is catchy though. 

Now, we know people listen to some terrible music while playing poker.  Barry Greenstein goes all-in to ‚ÄúA Whole New World,‚Äù among other adult contemporary gems (yes, that was Air Supply’s "All Out of Love" you saw on that list).  Daniel Negreanu muscles his table around while listening to new-agey ‚Äúmassage music.‚Äù 

In the weekly Wicked Chops Poker game, our friend cgpop is known to throw in some Madonna in between the Pixies.  In between cool indy bands, Beaner sneaks in an occasional Backstreet Boys jam.  And Col B. has one of the most eclectic mixes, shifting gears from Dionne Warwick to Pearl Jam to Chicago to Miles Davis. 

However, the choice of music that Graham Clarkson proclaims fuels his poker success is really irrelevant to this: Scottish people love getting shitfaced-hammered. 


Dispelling not one single stereotype, Clarkson proved the old Scot-proverb that, “Empty barrels make the most noise” to be entirely true by saying, “My family got very drunk before I started playing so the Scottish support was the noisiest there.”

Ahhh, stereotypes.  Somewhere, with a bagpipe in one hand and some booze in the other, Fat Bastard is grinning ear to drunken, hairy-eyebrowed ear. 


8 Responses

  1. Bones

    October 20, 2005 7:55 pm, Reply

    I hadn’t thought about The Proclaimers in years. But strangely enough, this is the second time I’ve seen them referenced this week.
    I also read two random references to Vertical Horizon this week.
    Weird week.

  2. Aye Aye

    October 21, 2005 6:18 am, Reply

    My iPod is like record store vomit too. When I was running yesterday, I had it on shuffle and at one point it went: Rancid–>Billy Joel–>Dwight Yokam–>Megadeth–>Kenny Loggins. I think that’s what makes the iPod the best invention ever.

  3. snake

    October 21, 2005 8:12 am, Reply

    in the spirit of ..something, here’s some of what’s playing on my ipod at the poker table:
    dead boys, nick drake, snatches of pink, postal service, ben harper, U2, five eight, the hiss, damien rice, bright eyes, jimi hendrix experience, kings of leon, shins, thin lizzy, the walkmen, death cab, pogues and the incomparable bill withers.
    kings of leon has done me the best at the table.
    re: some of the above, I have to think the backstreet boys thing is a joke…right? it was a joke? Kenny Loggins…you know that could be good at the poker table…no not footloose crap but he’s did some decent tunes awhile back. seriously. Has anyone really ever seen Dionne Warwick on col b’s ipod..? I thought he just said that to put people on tilt.

  4. BlackSpy

    October 21, 2005 8:37 am, Reply

    He showed me the Dionne Warwick. It’s awesome–but yes, I suspect it’s get a reaction out of the other players. It once drove Sammy insane–he spewed all of his chips in a 30 minute period after seeing Sheena Easton be played on the ipod.

  5. cgpop

    October 22, 2005 8:07 pm, Reply

    That Madonna is one hot POA, such a wonderful humanitarian and children’s author. Don’t forget about my Mariah Carey obsession (such a brave trooper), you can’t go wrong with the Glitter soundtrack. I can confirm Sheena Easton on Col B.’s iPod…I also think he was listening to C&C Music Factory, I could be wrong, but I think so.

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