Jamie Gold Is Looking for America’s Hottest Mom

If Jamie Gold needed an image makeover so he’d appear more like an arrogant Hollywood blow-hard not worthy of our siding and sympathy in light of a $6M lawsuit, then mission accomplished.

LeeanntweedenIn his latest interview, this time with Norma Meyer of Copley News Service, Gold does little to dispel the notion that he’s just another sleaze-ball Hollywood agent. His latest project? Producing a show called "Hottest Mom in America."

While this is an admirable goal, as there are a lot of MILFs who aren’t getting their just due (like LeeAnn Tweeden, at left, who while she actually isn’t a MILF yet, she one day will be, and at which stage we’d like to F her), Jamie Gold pimping his cheap, lowbrow Babette Pepaj-side that spams Internet forums looking for contestants for a null-of-creativity reality show while directing people to a website that is dead won’t win him any fans. But neither will going to great lengths to tell us how precociously smart and great he is at poker, as Gold does in this article and did a few weeks ago on the Rounders radio show.

But that’s not to say we don’t understand where he’s coming from. One thing that the entities that compromise Wicked Chops Enterprises LLC are not known for is "modesty." In fact, "modesty" is a word we just learned a few minutes ago. Our journey started by going to thesaurus.com and typing in "narcissism" to see if there were any antonyms listed. We then went to dictionary.com and entered all of the antonym options we found, and "modesty" was the best choice available.

See, you truly do learn something new each day.

Jamiegoldwins1_1Anyway, if any of us entities were to win a poker tournament with nearly 9,000 people, we’d surely use a portion of that prize money to buy billboards in every major city in the U.S. proclaiming us to be the greatest poker player–not to mention lover–the world has ever known. The billboard would have the head of Don Juan superimposed on Doyle Brunson’s body, and read something like, "[Chops/Snake/the Addict]–like Don Juan meets Doyle Brunson…only better."

Of note in the article is how Gold goes out of his way to tell us that away from the poker tables he’s "…very moral and ethical, and [doesn’t] believe in lying." This comes from the same person (Gold) who in the same article says, "I bluffed more than anybody else had ever bluffed successfully in a tournament."

Whether or not Gold becomes so entranced by his own beauty that he eventually lays at a river bank and wastes away while staring down into the water at his reflection remains to be seen. Also remaining to be seen is whether or not Gold’s football fucking PR team will start actually putting Gold in situations that don’t reinforce the public’s negative perception of him already. Let’s face it, braggadocios poolside interviews at the "be-seen Mondrian pool on the Sunset Strip" aren’t exactly helping the cause. As we’ve stated, regardless of your perception of Gold, his performance at the 2006 WSOP ME was one for the ages and truly masterful. Whether he likes it or not, Gold will be considered one of poker’s primary ambassadors over the next year, and likely longer. Time to start acting like it.

With this said, if you are a MTETCWCELLCWLF, or if you are one of our readers between the ages of 8-14 who are interested in becoming a host for what will surely be America’s hottest new reality show, visit the Hottest Mom in America website.


3 Responses

  1. Vaughn Sandman

    September 4, 2006 8:59 pm, Reply

    Did Jamie Gold really say all those things or was that someone pretending to be him and getting interviewed?
    Comes off as very down-to-earth…

  2. Kajagugu

    September 5, 2006 9:48 am, Reply

    I love the fact that the article starts off with “Former Hollywood talent agent Jamie Gold lies”. I guess he must have called Crispin from the poker table and lied to him on his voice mail, since that is the only place he lies.
    And by the way, all that blueberry eating is no good. I don’t know about this “brain-food” deal. My daughter is 18 months old and when she eats blueberries her diapers are filled with sticky black goo. Enjoy your lunch.

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