Jeffrey Atkins, aka Ja Rule, Starts Poker Site

Starsonpoker1Call it a sign of the Apocalypse. Or perhaps it just means the Second Coming of Tupac is near (Praise be to Tupac). Or maybe we should just call it what it is, a ridiculously absurd idea. Announced last week but taking us a few days to digest and discuss the sociological and geopolitical implications of, Ja Rule, the most insignificant rapper since some shorty sounding like the cookie monster rose to insignificance with “Holla Holla,” has started his own poker site via the Action Poker Network called StarsonPoker.com

Above is a screen capture of what you’ll see when you go to StarsonPoker.com, so whatever you do don’t feel like you need to visit the site. ‘Cause that’s what you’ll see there. Oh, and according to the press release, you’ll also be able to “enjoy unique features like a link to recording star Ja Rule’s website; a music player with Ja Rule’s music, and an online store with cool merchandise from the top hip hop player in the music business.”

How in Tupac’s name is a link to Ja Rule’s website a “unique feature?”

And Ja Rule the top hip hop player in the music business? WTF? Maybe he should change the name of StarsonPoker.com to RapperonCrack.com.

You don’t have to be as deeply entrenched in the rapper community as Wicked Chops Poker to know that Ja Rule is completely irrelevant these days. Clay Aiken would command more respect walking around OzzFest than Ja Rule would walking down Jamaica Avenue. Well, perhaps that’s going too far, but let’s just say Ja Rule is a poor man’s Ludacris, earning his keep mainly by rapping on other people’s R&B songs and thinking he’s got some acting chops. Luda of course can act, can rap and no doubt his sure-to-come poker site, ChickenNBeerPoker.com (or maybe it will be ChickenandWafflesPoker.com), will be more successful than Ja Rule’s.

Or to put it in poker/SAT terms, Ja Rule is to Biggie Smalls as Robert Varkonyi is to Stuey Ungar, and to boot, Ja Rule and his boys apparently like to slap girls.

And if you think we’re dissin’ Ja Rule too hard, consider what 50 Cent had to say:

Lil’ nigga named Ja think he live like me
Talkin’ about he left the hospital took nine like me
You livin’ fantasies nigga, I been checkin’ deposit
When your lil’ sweet ass gon’ come out of the closet?
Now he wonderin’ why DMX blowed him out
Next time grown folks talkin’, bitch, close yo mouth
Peep me, I take this war shit deeply
Done seen too many real niggaz ball to let these bitch niggaz beat me

The only redeeming quality we can find about Ja Rule is that he helped introduce us to Christina Milian when the two paired on 2000’s Between Me and You. And for that we turn this discussion to photos of Christina, after the jump.

Christinamilian4ChristinamilianChristinamilian2Christinamilliana1

 

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