Keeley’s Coming to America

Madonna_1_keeleyThe Official Wicked Chops Poker Girl of 2006, Keeley Hazell (seen right doing her best Madonna), has just done her first “serious” interview ever and among the shocking revelations we learn are that she occasionally does wear clothing above her hips and that she is going to be featured in Playboy next month. We asked our source at Playboy, who works in customer service over in Bhopal, India, if he could confirm the news and he didn’t know shit other than that we’re 60 days late on paying our subscription.

Like other famous pop culture imports from the UK, like the Beatles and that cool flag they have, Keeley’s reps disclose to The Independent that they are positioning her now for stateside stardom, with the hopes of Keeley becoming the next Carmen Electra or Pamela Anderson, a Canadian. Indeed, there’s even talk of Keeley starring in a “Baywatch movie.”

Whether Keeley also plans on being an advocate for PETA while getting banged on tape by her skinny rocker husband’s horse-sized knob, only to divorce him soon after and then marry another skinny rocker, start a poker site, only to divorce herself from both the poker site and the second skinny rocker months later, is yet to be seen.

Of course Keeley could go the Carmen Electra route, which is pretty much the same as above except replace the first skinny rocker with a 6’8″, cross-dressing basketball player and the second skinny rocker with a midget-tall, card tossin’ rocker.

See more of Keeley, who by the way is both incredibly hotter than Pamela and Carmen in the face department and doesn’t pack plastic in the breastal region, over at Zoo Weekly (NSFW). This time’s she doing Madonna, which is nice but we still consider her Kiley imitation the best, if we were the judge of such things.


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