Kutcher Pissed at Stuff, Pays $14k for Poker Lessons

:: snake

Demiandashton_1Future Nobel Peace Prize winner Ashton Kutcher bid $14,000 over the weekend for a private poker session with Annie Duke. Kutcher, the 16-year-old actor and creator of PUNK’D, and his 62-year-old wife Demi Moore just wrapped up their honeymoon and headed to Vegas for the uBid.com online celebrity auction. All the proceeds were to go to aid the ongoing Hurricane Katrina relief effort.

Kutcher was moved to go to Vegas not because he wanted to hang out with his rich friends, stay in a swanky penthouse suite at the Palms or have endless Vegas hotel sex with his hot bod wife because he knows it won’t be long before she’s an old lady who falls asleep after crapping her pants during the early bird at Red Lobster. No, Kutcher was there because he’s an incredibly sensitive, caring and philanthropic young man who knows when things and stuff are just plain wrong dude.

As he poignantly stated:

“I was lying in bed with my wife, and we were watching TV, and we’re watching all the stuff that’s going on with the hurricane disasters and I started to get pissed. I was getting really, really pisssed off. I’m like, ‘Why isn’t the government ready for something like this? Why aren’t they doing something?'”

Kutcher then allegedly laid in bed the rest of the day, until he woke in the evening hoping, as he said, “it was all just a nightmare…you know the things I saw on the tv and all.”

I tell you, Demi should be worried about Kutcher’s little “poker lesson” with Annie. I mean Annie is an alluring 30-something mother of 4 who must have a little special something something if you know what I mean (I have no idea what I mean) after stealing Shannon Elizabeth’s ex. Sounds just like what Kutcher fancies, although Annie’s much further from dentures and diapers than Demi.

In unrelated Ashton-Demi slandering, rumors are floating that the duo bailed on a charity donation they had promised. They were allegedly paid $3 mil for allowing OK! magazine exclusive access to their wedding and reports suggested that they were planning to donate that money to Habitat for Humanity. A spokesman for the charity, however, says they haven’t received any money from the pair, stating, “We have no knowledge of the donation, but we certainly welcome any support.”

I guess the Habitat for Humanity donation doesn’t come with poker lessons.

In unrelated Cameron Diaz news, at the aforementioned uBid.com auction, ‘N SYNC star Lance Bass bid $30,000 to snowboard with ‘N SYNC star Justin Timberlake, proving that life after boy band stardom is lonely indeed, unless of course you’re dating poker princess newbie Cameron Diaz (the blonde seen here next to some old lady in a bikini).

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