Library Says Poker Is For Kids


So who would have thunk? Public libraries aren’t just a haven for the homeless to sleep, terrorists to do research and grown men to publicly masturbate.

Apparently they’re also a place for people to read and check out "books."

And at one particular library, for kids to play poker.

Yes, it’s true. Unbelievable isn’t it? People still read and check out  "books."

And while we could discuss this mind-blowing concept of "books," we’re a poker site so we’ll stick with the poker story.

As a way to get more kids in the library, you know, where the homeless, terrorists and public masturbaters hang out, The Bellingham Public Library (pictured above) has started a new program called "Bubblegum Poker." Open to kids in the 5th grade and up, the Bubblegum Poker program teaches the youngsters how to play Texas Hold’em using bubble gum as the currency.

In an article in the MetroWest Daily News today, the librarian who started the program and no doubt is quiet, stern, single, bespectacled and sexually repressed, said, "I see this as helping kids learn something they didn’t know before in a controlled and safe environment."

Of course this makes a ton of sense. Because if you’re going to start young ones gambling at any early age, at least do it in a library as opposed to a crack house or the house of a predator featured on Dateline NBC’s next special.

Other activities the Bellingham Public Library has for the kiddos include "Teen Bingo," "Bellydancing with Thalia" and our favorite, "Teen Dance Party with Mr. DJ." Seriously, we’re not joking. If we were, we’d make up classes like "Videotaping with R. Kelly" You Ain’t A Real Man Til You Get A Good Case of the Clap," and "Teen Slumber Party with Jizzy the Clown."

Not that we’re being critical of any of this, since these pint size rounders are all future readers of our site, and readers = advertising revenue. If we were, say, a tobacco site, and the library was teaching a class on "The History of Tobacco in Colonial America," we’d gladly be slipping these youngsters a pack of Winstons, or perhaps Pall Mall’s. Unfortunately, that’s how we roll. And we’re not about to fight it, even if we wanted to. Which we don’t.


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