Phil For Prez, Gordon That Is

Gordonforpres3:: snake

With poli-pundits already trying to make the ’08 election a catfight between Hil and Condi, we here at Wicked Chops Poker, a federal political inaction committee, would first like to say that there’s nothing sexier than a woman in power—unless of course that woman happens to be either Hilary Clinton or Condoleezza Rice. HilaryclintonCondi_rice

I mean we seriously can’t have a fugly former first lady who I swear has a bulge in her suit pants or a gap-toothed secretary (“of state”) become the leader of the free world, can we now?

Alright I’m being a bit of a chauvi-pig here and it probably is ruining my chances at a Supreme Court nomination, or maybe not, but I don’t want to get off track here. The purpose of this post is not for us to engage in senseless partisan bickering or playful slagging of powerful ladies. We are here today my friends to officially declare our support for the Next President of the United States of America: Phil Gordon.

The son of a mill worker and a believer in two Americas (oh sorry, that was from my “What Not to Say Over and Over Again if You Ever Want to Be Prez” notes). Ok, start over. A native of Stone Mountain, Georgia, a former National Merit Scholarship Finalist, a graduate of Georgia Institute of Technology, a successful author and TV personality, a top professional poker player and skilled bridge player, and a very tall, tall man, Phil Gordon stands up for every person who believes that playing poker is not only a privilege but an inalienable right for all Americans from Sea to Shining Sea (as well as for undocumented workers from Mexico).

Yes, Mr. Celebrity Poker Showdown has proven himself to be politically inclined and a skilled orator before legislative bodies on matters close to our hearts. This past March, Gordon visited the Minnesota State Capitol to lend support to legislation authored by our other favorite State Senator Dave Kleis (R-St. Cloud) to legalize Texas Hold‚Äôem tournaments. Gordon had read about a raid of a tournament at a place called the Granite Bowl and contacted Kleis, which led to Gordon’s testimony in front of a Senate Committee. The bill at issue was to add Texas Hold‚Äôem to the definition of social skill games that are legal in Minnesota, such as cribbage, bridge, gin, 500 and whist (what the hell is whist? and why is it legal?)

Anyway, the bill went on to become law, and Gordon is now campaigning for Kleis, who is seeking to become the mayor of St. Cloud. Gordon is even expected to appear at a rally for Kleis on Monday at the Granite Bowl.

In what many have said is the new millennium’s “I Have A Dream” speech, or at the least, a 21st century version of the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer’s “I’m Just a Caveman” spiel, Gordon proclaimed during his testimony in March:

“Legalizing this game of skill and making the pleasures of the game easier for all to enjoy is a worthy pursuit. The Supreme Court Justices have a regular poker game. It is said that Richard Nixon financed his first campaign for public office with poker winnings. Government need not protect us from social poker.”

Phil_snake_chopsSay that with me again: The Government need not protect us from social poker. We have our rallying call my friends (along with “Remember the Granite Bowl”) and our Rallier in Chief will be the honorable Phil Gordon. He will be there to answer our questions in townhall like settings, he will regularly lend his expertise on matters of charity, he will do regular book readings for students, he will outwit other world leaders with his rock-paper-scissors skills and when he throws out a first pitch, not only will he make it across the plate, it will be a strike. What else can you ask for in a leader?

So get behind our “Phil for Prez–Gordon That Is” campaign now. Send your contributions to Full Tilt Poker via bonus code: 76off. All monies will go to the lucky players at your table. And be sure to buy his new book, Phil Gordon’s Little Green Book: Lessons and Teachings in No Limit Texas Hold’em, a roadmap to peace sort of speak, at least as far as peace of mind the next time you’re sitting at the poker table.


15 Responses

  1. YCO123

    October 14, 2005 7:03 am, Reply

    The guy in the brown shirt and beard standing with Phil Gordon has the bigget forehead I have ever seen.

  2. snake

    October 14, 2005 8:14 am, Reply

    crap it does look huge. i need to rent that out as a billboard.
    i did win a biggest head contest in 3rd grade.

  3. spades

    October 14, 2005 11:54 am, Reply

    the dude in the red shirt doesn’t look 14.. he just looks short. btw – I’m all in for Phil to be Prez and with Calvin to be his VP we are definitely heading for better times.

  4. Anonymous

    October 14, 2005 2:00 pm, Reply

    “Uh, Mr. Gordon, can I, uh, have your autograph? Also, would you mind if my dad took a photo of me, you, and my big brother?”

  5. snake

    October 14, 2005 2:31 pm, Reply

    yes it does. sorry about that. we have little people, really, like midgets, except that’s not PC…so we’ll say little people, who are marxists and work in the basement below us and they designed some random comment generator any time someone posts w/o a name. they’ve all been chastised and won’t be fed this month.

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