Phil Hellmuth Is The New Paris Hilton

Hellmuth_sipsParishiltonsucks2It used to be that if you had something to promote, you’d hold an event, roll out the red carpet, invite Paris Hilton and call the media. Then the Supreme Sultana of Skank would expose all the goods her momma gave her while getting out of a limo or walking into a club, and even though the entire world has already been publicly privy to her private parts many times before (as well as her mom’s), somehow they still appeal to the prurient interests of middle America as well as all the women out there who are eager to join her ever growing harem of Hilton hussies. And somehow, her showing her “stuff” causes people to go out and buy the watch she was wearing or go to the club she was visiting or don the perfume with her name on it or watch the reality show she starred in.
Well, now it looks like Ms. Hilton has some competition in the shameless hustler department, and he goes by the name Phil Hellmuth.

And while thankfully the 9-time world champ and national heads-up winner hasn’t been showing his “stuff,” he has been seen everywhere lately as he ponders numerous ventures including a poker fantasy camp called Camp Hellmuth, a London-based reality show and a U.S.-based reality show, the “Phil Hellmuth” clothing line to be sold in Wal-Mart, a kid’s clothing line not surprisingly called “Poker Brat”, a stake in CardPlayer magazine, “Phil Hellmuth” sunglasses and cell phone games, his new poker blog, and finally, a movie about his life called “The Madison Kid” that may or may not star Kid Vader himself, Hayden Christiansen (who may or may not be dating Sienna Miller, who was once seen chumming with Doyle’s poker playing bud Leo DiCaprio as well as snogging the poker playing new Bond but she still has nothing to do with poker but we keep mentioning her anyway because she’s hot, apparently doesn’t hate poker and seems pretty easy).

And when Phil’s not busy licensing the Hellmuth name (a name which still annoys us because he pronounces it HELL-MOOTH rather than, uh, HELL-MUTH), he is attending one celeb-infested event after another and jetsetting from coast to coast like Paris Hilton on a 7-day, transcon bender of Greek shipping heir cock-tails and when we say cock-tails, well, you know what we mean.

Most recently, Hellmuth was hobnobbing in sunny Miami where he emceed A-Rod’s Charity/Excuse for Hanging with Famous Friends in South Beach When It’s Cold Everywhere Else Poker Tournament. Hellmuth did a little write up on the event, which is worth the read as he gives a play-by-play on the horrible play of playahs and players from the world of hip hop, football, hoops and baseball. Carmen_elektra_1Joining Hellmuth in the sun and fun of Havana North was rapper mogul and Beyonce’s boy Jay-Z, quarterback Tom Brady, boxer Evander “The Real Deal” Holyfield, steroid lovin’ Sammy Sosa, New York Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey, former NFL tosser Bernie Kosar and former hoopster Glen Rice.

Before Miami, Hellmuth was putting in some face time along the starstruck slopes of Sundance, while playing a poker tourney there hosted by the soon-to-come “W Las Vegas.” Of course the expected cast of cardplaying celebs where there including Carmen Elektra and Dave Navarro-Elektra, Shannon Elizabeth and her ex-hubby and now Annie Duke’s man-bitch Joe Reitman, the Masterson twins and 70’s Show cohort Laura Prepon, N’Syncer Lance Bass and himself, DJ AM sans his ex-fiance whose name is disappearing from the spotlight faster than she’s turning into a skeleton, and others. Pros in attendance besides Hellmuth included Annie Duke, Antonio Esfandiari, and a couple of the other Phils including Laak and Gordon.

And while people like Dave Navarro were happy enough to outlast pros like Phil Gordon in the tourney (and because he has a stripper’s pole in his living room and a wife named Carmen Elektra who’s willing to use it), the always competitive Hellmuth came with purpose and outlasted the field.

His prize: a condo in the new W Las Vegas when it opens in 2009.

And who will be among his penthouse neighbors then? You guess it. Paris Hilton.


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