The Blogfiles: The Obituarium

Obit

Chops here.

During Iggy’s first WSOP qualifier two weeks ago, I was moved to a table where, among others, Joe Speaker sat.  I was short-stacked and ready to move in with any pair or face cards.  Immediately upon sitting my butt down in my new virtual seat, the following popped up in the Paradise Poker chat: Joe Speaker: "Chops, who do I have to blow to get on the blogfiles?"  Someone then typed: "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzip."  Then I got dealt K-T in the BB went all-in was called by A-Q didn’t win the hand and someone else typed something to the effect of: "Damn Joe see what you just did to him" or something like that.

Anyway, we’re glad to have the Obituarium on board for what turned out to be a very funny Blogfile.  Enjoy.

MansionWCP: So, the Playboy Mansion sucked, right?

JS: Absolutely. Free food, open bar, beautiful women, a bunch of my friends, poker, a spiraling-into-oblivion Tara Reid, beautiful women.  Nothing I’d be interested in. At times, it felt simply liike a party,  then it would hit me where I was. I’d step back, raise my arms wide to shoulder height, tilt back my head and bellow, "Ahhhhhhhhhhh." Then burly guys would tell me not to do that again.

It was something I’ll never forget. And something I’ll never let those that weren’t there forget, either. I’m currently sending snail-mail letters written on the Playboy-embossed notepad I stole to
everyone I know.

WCP: Be honest though, the thought of taking advantage of a worn-out, VD-laden Tara Reid who was spiraling into oblivion possibly crossed your mind…

Tr1JS:  Of course it did. I mentioned the open bar, right? Her thong was already a good four inches above her pantsline and when she bent over to talk to a seated Shannon Elizabeth, you couldn’t see her face.  So…

WCP: Now poker bloggers everywhere want to know, when you told Playboy bunnies that you write a poker blog, they immediately dropped their panties, right?  I mean, it’s gotta carry more weight these days than say, being Fred Durst?  Please at least tell me I’m right about that…

JS: Nothing and nobody carries more weight these days than Fred Durst.  Lotta time in the ol’ buffet line for Fred. When I mentioned I’m a "writer," the bunnies turned away. When I followed that up with "poker blog," they began to run.

WCP: We’re fascinated by the dynamic of poker blogger vs. real life identities.  What exactly do you do when you’re not hanging with Hef?

JS:  My official title is Sr. Librarian. I work for a major metropolitan newspaper and provide research for reporters and editors, including the Obits Desk. I do not check out books, but I am intimately involved with the dead and dying. I once tried to give myself the poker nickname "The Librarian," complete with some built-in crappy puns for Vince Van Patten, but it hasn’t stuck.

WCP:  So, is it safe to say you enjoy writing posts for your blog more than obits?

JS:  Yes. I don’t actually write any of the obits, though I do compile tables and fact boxes. Not a lot of creativity involved in those. Of course, no bad beats, either.

Poker WCP:  I hate to bring this up, but as a "journalist" I must…tell us about your 3rd place finish in the WSOP qualifier recently…did you almost write an obit for yourself after the two suck-outs?

JS:  Oh man. It took a while to get over that. Not because of the suck-outs, not because I was one spot from winning a Main Event seat for 400 Stars FPPs, but because I was in "The Zone" for almost nine hours and had the guy set up just how I wanted. One four-outer can alter the best laid plans. Once the disappointment faded, I took some solace in how well I played. I don’t think I’ve ever played better and I took away some valuable lessons. Plus, I’ve still got a few months to win a seat, so I managed to beat back the urge to go suck on the nearest tailpipe.

WCP:  Do you think we’ll ever achieve peace in the Middle East?

JS:  Easy. Just get everyone to accept that the One True God is Doyle Brunson.

WCP:  Ok, back to your blog, The Obituarium, what made you decide to dip your toe in the poker blogging pool?

JS:  I suppose it was to get feedback on my game. I was relatively new to poker–part of the "Moneymaker Generation"–and even before I’d slung a virtual chip, I was a regular reader of blogs, most notably Iggy and HDouble. I didn’t really know anybody else who played, so it was a desire to find an outlet for my poker thoughts. On top of that, there were others int he burgeoning community doing a lot more than simply writing about poker, but psychology and fiction and trip reports. Boy Genius and Pauly come immediately to mind. There was a creativity there and I felt like maybe I could tap into that. I’ve always had these nebulous thoughts of being a "writer," and poker inspired me to sit down every day and get my thoughts out. It provided me with a reason to write, a discipline I’d not previously had. Over the life of my blog, it has changed pretty significantly because that need to create has grown along with my game. And now…well…it’s pretty much the personal train wreck that is my current life with a little poker thrown in.

WCP:  We know you’ve had some success online, but where is your favorite live card room?

JS:  My live cash game bottom line has improved immensely since I perfected my "Drunken Idiot" table image. No, I don’t have to try very hard to get into the role. Excalibur in Vegas was the first place I ever played Hold ‘Em live and I took $200 out of the 2-6 spread game that day, so it holds a special place in my heart. I’ve had one losing session there since and just this last weekend–prior to the Mansion trip–I pulled nearly a grand from their 1/3 NL game. MGM has a great room, too. I also live near Morongo Casino and love their 1/2 NL game for its buttery softness, though less for its 2 a.m. last call.

WCP:  Wicked Chops Poker absolutely believes it’s wrong to view woman as mere objects.  However, poker does seem to attract more attractive women than other sports.  Who do you think is the best (looking) woman player in the world today?

JS:  Isabelle Mercier is just my type and I’ll have to stick with her even though I met Cyndy Violette at the Mansion and she’s infinitely cuter in person.

WCP:   Wicked Chops Poker just celebrated our 1-year anniversary yesterday.  And we’re all about giving back to the poker community.  So in commemoration over this non-momentous event, you have any girls you’d like for us Salma_hayek_4to put up with your blogfile post?

JS:  Congratulations, guys. I’d like a shot of the blue-eyed brunette I saw on the train this morning. Failing that, I suppose I’ll settle for Selma Hayek.  Editor’s Note: Joe, click on the image to enlarge…it makes a nifty wallpaper.

EcuthWCP:  Finally, give us your dream six-person table.  Can be living, dead, or fictitious…

1. Phil Hellmuth. Would love a chance to Tilt Phil.
2. Steve McManaman. The former Liverpool and Real Madrid great is my
favorite footballer and I know through a mutual acquaintance that
he’s got a little gamble in him.
3. Stuey Ungar. I’ll wager he’d have some tales to tell.
4. Bobby Bracelet. Gotta have at least one person there who is comfortable donating to my stack.
5. Elisha Cuthbert. I think I’ve got a shot with her.
6. Sure, deal me in.

 

5 Responses

  1. Bobby Bracelet

    March 30, 2006 2:38 pm, Reply

    Nice interview.
    I have earned that spot on the table.
    Nobody enjoys giving chips to Mr. Speaker more than I do. Of course with Mr. Ungar there, I don’t think either of us would be doing any stacking besides the rebuys.

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