The Toke :: PartyPoker Pimps Paris, DiCaprio Dating a Bar + Wall Street Shows its Poker Face

:: PartyPoker.com Offers Paris her Bentley Back . After claiming to be obsessed with poker and telling Bluff Magazine she always wins, party/poker ho Paris Hilton reportedly lost a $200,000 Bentley in a poker game. Now, PartyPoker.com, the porn to riches online gaming giant started by a phone sex princess and A. Dikshit, is offering Paris the chance to win a Bentley by going heads-up against Mike Sexton (someone should probably explain to Paris that “heads up” is a poker term). “We’re aware that her parents have banned her from gambling at their casino. This online challenge solves all her problems – she can cover her losses without stepping foot in there,” said PartyPoker spokesperson Warren Lush. Somehow this all makes sense: PartyPoker was started by a porn biz princess, it has some of the easiest players online, the site looks cheap but is worth millions and the spokesperson’s last name is Lush. In more breaking Paris news, Wicked Chops Poker says that Paris has just a tid bit more class than a $10 hooker begging for money at a bus stop so she can get herself some Church’s fried chicken to eat, which is just a tad bit classier than the chick who’s letting David Williams toss her salad. Digital Spy

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:: DiCaprio now Bar-hopping. People Magazine reports actor/poker player Leo DiCaprio is dating 20-year-old Israeli swimsuit model Bar Refaeli (photo at right and another after the jump). If Bar is looking for a long voyage with Leo, rather than have the relationship sink like it did with Gisele, she better get on board the poker fad because if she doesn’t well that’s just the tip of the iceberg of problems for her and it won’t be long before her heart won’t go on (chicks dig subtle Titanic references, we hear). Anyway, Bar’s unbelievably hot and like her name, there should be one on every corner. People

:: Wall Street = Las Vegas Blvd. Morgan Stanely director and avid poker player, Aaron Brown, has written a book called The Poker Face of Wall Street. Wicked Chops Poker hasn’t read it yet. One, we don’t read so good, and two, we’ve been too busy breaking news and vomiting in our mouths after watching David Williams do the backdoor swirl (aka “tossing salad”) on some trashy porno mom (aka ‘Mother I’d Like to Spray with Disinfectant”), among other things. But word on “the Street” is that it joins the rank of Michael Lewis’s 1990 best seller Liar’s Poker, a favorite of ours. Apparently, Poker Face illustrates the correlation between the finance world and the game of poker, and no doubt this book will help further the bull market on poker metaphors so we’ll categorize it as a “strong buy.” Amazon.com

* Don’t forget, there’s another pic of Leo’s new girl after the jump, and if you missed our last Friday Night Parting Shot girl Jen Graham, well, we can only guess you have that Celine Dion Titanic song stuck in your head right now, you spend your days folding chinos at The Gap and you pre-ordered the Brokeback Mountain DVD (Strong Buy).


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7 Responses

  1. Mike t.

    April 24, 2006 10:29 am, Reply

    so basically Leo is ‘hopping’ the same chick, just different face. seriously….from a close survey of Bar’s body and Gisele’s…hours of close survey that is…they’re virtually identical..both tall, skinny chicks with unnaturally natural big tits.

  2. snake

    April 25, 2006 11:15 am, Reply

    the primary (sole?) alternative would be out your mouth…thus the above should be read as the act of throwing up in your mouth without any significant progression beyond,… as compared to the type of vomit that travels from your stomach, through your esophageal tract and passes through your mouth onto whatever lies before you.
    thus, the latter would not be in your mouth, but rather out your mouth.
    love your writing by the way and congrats on winning the DoubleAs contest we co-sponsored.

  3. Aaron Brown

    April 25, 2006 3:11 pm, Reply

    Thanks for the strong buy on my book. But don’t despise poker metaphors. Think how useful terms like bluff, all-in, call, fold, hole card, ace in the hole, ace up your sleeve, ante, penny-ante, high ante, wild card and others are. What I could do without are poker puns so weak and obvious as to not deserve the name pun: “flushed with success,” “kids give you a full house” (although I have a reluctant admiration for the headline announcing the birth of triplets and “three of a kind give a pair a full house”; I also kind of like “Top Pair” magazine combining poker articles with soft core porn, not unlike this blog).

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