This Week’s Wicked Chops Life Lesson:
Don’t Mess with the U.S.

Two weeks ago we dished some worldly wisdom in our first installment of This Week‚Äôs Wicked Chops Life Lesson–a new feature we’ve already managed to skip a week on…but that’s neither here nor there.

Iran_nuclearBut our advice seemed to work (although our prediction was off), as everyone kept blogging away like there was no tomorrow. Clearly, a lot of you want to own your own NBA franchise.

For this week’s lesson, we focus on a hugely important issue: what’s going on with the founding country of Persian Poker, Iran. Because it’s getting heavy over there.

Kim_jong_ilAs we’ve discussed, Persian Poker is consuming the Middle East with the ferocity of a grizzly bear consuming Timothy Treadwell. Swords are being rattled and feathers are getting ruffled as Iranian leadership in Tehran, which sounds too much like Tehan for our liking, are dragging their feet with America’s latest final table negotiations for peace.

To complicate matters, North Korea and its funny looking, little leader, Kim Jong-il, have plans to test a long range missiles that could have the capability to reach U.S. soil.

Fucking Pyongyang.

Clearly, this axis-of-evil combo isn’t good for America.

(Continue reading after the jump for our actual Life Lesson…)

Now if Middle Eastern countries (and North Korea, fucking Pyongyang) have learned anything over the past five years, it should be this: America is not afraid to bomb you and invade your land.  Ask Afghanistan.  And if you don‚Äôt get the answer you‚Äôre looking for from them, then ask Iraq. 

Sure we haven‚Äôt caught him yet, but for five years we‚Äôve forced Osama bin Laden, whose name sounds too much like Barack Obama for our liking, to live in caves even more than he lived in caves before 9/11. 

And we caught Sadam Hussein cowering in some dirt hole after we shocked and awed the bejesus out of his country.

And just two weeks ago, we finally killed that twisted thug Abu Musab al-Zarqawi

So regardless if we were misled into going to war with Iraq–which we were–and that we have no exit strategy in Iraq–which we don’t–and despite the fact that a war with Iran (and to a lesser degree, North Korea, fucking Pyongyang) would astronomically raise our gas prices and create a mind-boggling, skyrocketing national deficit–which it would–all Persian Poker players must realize this important lesson: WE ARE NOT AFRAID TO INVADE YOUR COUNTRY.

For Iran, who knows, maybe they don’t care. An old Persian saying goes: Once you’ve been near death, the flu isn’t so bad.

Nws61520064393Iranians can make an argument that things within their own country are *improving*. Since ousting the Shah and putting in this new fundamentalist regime, social laws that once prohibited dress, alcohol, and smoking codes have been lax (in comparison, sort of, at least, although still not great). People “technically” have more personal freedom. So it’s fully possible that while Iranians are enjoying more social freedoms, they don’t realize or fully care about the implications stemming from their country’s nuclear developmental program.

But they should care. 

So let’s state this week’s lesson one more time: Don‚Äôt mess with the U.S.  We are not afraid to invade and bomb you, no matter what the costs. We will do it. We will bomb you.

Fucking Pyongyang.

 

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