Warren “T-Bones” Buffett Stinks at Poker, Still Stinking Rich

Buffett_1Truth be told, online bridge pro and reported gazillionaire, Warren “T-Bones” Buffett, likely has more “wealth” than us, if “wealth” was measured in money, which apparently it is.

But if by chance it was measured by the size of a man’s ego multiplied by the square root of the size of his member divided by the hypotenuse of the Bermuda Triangle plus the combined number of sailing vessels and A Tribe Called Quest albums he has, than we’d likely be wealthier. Truth be told.

And if by further chance one’s skill at the poker table was the great arbiter of who between T-Bones and the Entities has more wealth, than we’d easily take the cake, metaphorically speaking, because apparently the Berkshire Hathaway CEO isn’t so rich in poker skills. Playing yesterday in a charity poker tournament in Omaha, Nebraska, which we hear is somewhere in the middle of America, Buffett lasted no more than 45 minutes. On how poker is different than the game he and Bill “Chalengr” Gates play, Buffett said, “It’s different than bridge. I was confused. I thought the low score won.”

Buffett went on further blaming his failure to take Viagara as the reason for not lasting longer.*

The event, which celebrated the recent renovation of Nebraska Make-A-Wishprogram, where reportedly the number one wish is to get the hell out of Nebraska**, was also attended by Absolute Poker’s Michael “The Grinder” Mizrachi and Team Bodog Pros, David Williams and Evelyn Ng, who’s hot.

The winner of the event ended up being some guy from Omaha, who won a $3,500 Omega watch that was featured in Casino Royale. When asked how he felt about his prize, the winner remarked, “I’m hawking this bitch on eBay and buying a one way ticket out of Nebraska baby.”**

* not true
**not true
*** not true, but likely.


4 Responses

  1. Waynebullet

    December 9, 2006 9:55 am, Reply

    Omaha is 179 miles south of Sioux Falls, SD. Omaha is not a bad town. You should go there sometime. I do. I have been there 2 times.
    Only go there during the college world series though.

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