Wicked Chops State Lotteries Report

The switch from online poker to playing the lottery hit our bankrolls pretty hard this past week. We’re $2,473 down. $150 from playing some scratch game we still haven’t really figured out yet and the rest from getting jacked while drinking 40s and loitering in front of the “Lotto & Groceries” store on Boulevard. Call the police if you come across a guy in an XXXL white tee flashing about 1300 bones and Snake’s brown Diesel watch.

On the good news front, Chops’ new mistress, Tammy, a lottery regular, is moving out of her ex-husband’s mobile home this Friday (fingers crossed) after she picked 4 and cashed $752.43. Tammy and Bobbi Sue are getting a two bedder over at Twin Ponds and some new tats to celebrate. Snake’s new side-dish Latonia, who he coincidentally met at the L & G when she kindly asked him to scratch her ticket, quit her job as the assistant manager at Chick-Fil-A and is moving into the new condo he bought from his previous Bodog cash earnings, which he may now lose if he doesn’t hit the Fantasy 5 soon. The Addict by the way is now addicted to the Georgia Lottery’s Cash 3 game and has been playing his baby’s momma’s favorite numbers 0-6-9 every day, except today, which sucks because 0-6-9 finally hit and paid out $229,960 to “0 people” according to the state’s lottery site.

In other lottery news, wild bears in Minnesota have packed up and moved to Hawaii thanks to the $50 million windfall they received from the state lottery there. Taking their place in the wild were several thousand poor people who played the lottery every day and won shit.

After the jump, a photo of Tammy and Bobbi Sue at the pond and a video about wild bears and lotteries we came across on YouTube, which may or may not be run by a bunch of frickin’ commies.